ONLY GOD WILL JUDGE ME

Sometimes I feel like I could fight
Stupid me, I know I would never win,
Other times here is no hope in sight
And maybe, I’ll always be in the state I’m in.

Sometimes I awake and clear is the day
Cheerful, I feel none can call me guilty,
Other times I see illusions, all is gray
Fearful, yet relieved I did not test my ability.

Sometimes I want to scream what’s true
Smart? Coward? I think I’m only afraid of me,
Other times I am weary, I sit and rue
Not wanting, yet hoping someone will see.

Sometimes I am so easily in denial
Try not to cry, shut my eyes made myself blind,
Other times I ask who will judge my trial
Can’t succeed, can’t ignore, can’t fool the teary mind.

Sometimes I rejoice in my charade
Believing it am I lost forever or am I confused,
Other times, I hide in my own sorry shade
Trapped in my own self, in my own hands abused.

Sometimes I for love, look around
Unabashed, unfettered I whore away my desire,
Other times I am locked in, make nor hear no sound
Awakened, I realize inside me burns no fire.

Sometimes I look for one who can make it right
With whom, I can be I till curtains are brought down,
Other times I shy away from love’s probing light
Blinded, raped of all my secrets, I feel like a clown.

Sometimes I am cheered by my ambition
Optimistic, enlightened I feel like the chosen few,
Other times I doubt if I can ever transition
This is how, that is why I don’t feel nor look so new.

Sometimes I am tempted by the blade
Never mind even to end it all I am too useless,
Other times I, to desire, farewell bade
Celebrations! Jubilations! May be one day…God bless!

Sometimes I find my wound start to peel
Look around, breathe in, life’s a tough yet big field
That same day I am glad, I start to heal
I stand Accused, however to the cruel rules I will not yield.

 ONLY GOD WILL JUDGE ME