Fucking great year

can someone pls explain what the hell is so grt about a new year???
what is it that ppl think ...that they can erase the mistakes of the past and just move on??may be not go for the job u were never suited for in the first place?may be talk better to you parents?? may be the coming yr u wud be a better judge abt ppl, and not trust the assholes that u trusted and got burned.. not let down the ppl who actually cared abt u, is it the fact that u r all full of expectations and jubilations that in the coming yr u would actually learn things u wanted to learn for so long .. like driving..like swimming.. or maybe just fucking know how to live ur life??? what is it abt the new fucking yr???????
i recall when i was a kid all i used to think abt during 31st is all the good programs im going to watch on tv... may be a musical ...may be a dance concert or may be just plain old goofy comedy shows..all i know is that i was happy just staying awkae till midnight and be allowed to watch tv till then... it didnt matter that in not one single yr i was able to succeed .. i was fast asleep by 11 o clock.. and then my father would take me to bed where i would be asleep till 8 next yr.. that was my saying goodbye to the old and bidding welcome the new. those were simpler times... those were times when u didnt have to think abt where to go for a party where u didnt have to stand in queue for 30 hellish minutes so that the guy would sell u the bacardi white u were waiting for the whole day.. those were times where u didnt have to spend ur new yr all alone.. in ur room.. nothign to do thaty vent ur frustation in some stupid blog which in all probability U would nerver read in the first place...
so coming back to the origianl point of view.. the charm of new yr.. i was waiting in queue to buy that drink..(as i already recall mentioning)...and i had a chance to look around. right next to where i was standing was a bad ol stinking fish shop... anyother time any other place i would shriek and get out of a place that smelled even a bit like fish... and here i was standing right next to a store which had in abundance alive and dead fish(both equally bad smelling). was it the anticipation of the coming drink or was it just the new year...i blame the new yr
this guy right behind me was farting really big and smelly ones..i tolerated. was it the anticipation of the coming drink or was it just the new year...i blame the new yr...
i was in a queue bigger than any fucking queue i have ever been in a lifetime..i tolerated. was it the anticipation of the coming drink or was it just the new year...i blame the new yr...

i am at home.. all alone.. even after 3 big drinks the stupid bacardi isnt working.. i am still not remotely drunk.. oh hell i am writing in a foreign language.. not picking up any body;'s call.. i am actually my old self. is it the stupid bacardi that came with a free body deo.. called the celebration pack.. maybe the bottle is filled with water.fuxcking celebration indeed!
anyways if i recall correctly .. i was trying to figure out the charm of the new year. it is not the charm of the new year.. but it is the whole resilience and optimism and hope of human nature. things that get us going and things that ruin and scandalize us. i recover again and again aftr each blow.. knowing i could never be like any of my frmds.. i think that it doesnt matter.. if i survived till now i would be able to survive later on too.. i hope that after some time thigns would change.. that after some time.. i wuld get what i am waiting for a long time now. that i would getb a job. that i would do that job not because i need a salary in the end but because i want to do that job.
RESILIENCE, OPTIMISM,HOPEE!!!!
so this year i resolute(is that even a word????)...
1. i would not repeat the mistakes of the last year.
2. i would not plan to learn driving... cause frankly speaking i dont want to..
3. i would not want to learn swimming.. i mean come on.. when someone makes a pool filled with gorbatshow.. call me... i would pick up swimmg in a minute.

and like every one else out there...even i conferss....last yr was a fucking grt year... and the comong yr would be fucing good too..

Paper Thin Love

I am not the sort of man who shares what he is going through or reveal his feelings.Yuck!it is simply disgusting and frankly i judge any and everyone who does.But sometimes i just cannot help myself.

I knew the first time i saw you
That I'll be miserable soon enough
I saw how it was going to be right away
I knew you were going to make me cry.

I kept my feelings under check
I kept them well disguised
I kept telling myself it was all moot
I listened and agreed but my heart denied.

So much time that we spent together
Never alone,there were many others with us
And all i saw is you
Not looking at me, not looking at all.

It wasnt like you were busy, or that i was dull
I simply was not what you were searching
I told myself to give you up
But one look at you, and one long sigh.

So i was back where i started
You were standstill where you always were
I was hurting but there were no tears
How could there be,it was paper thin love.

You were right when you said I was a fool
You were right about it all
So tell me, now that I have fallen
How do i pick myself up ?

I used to laugh at all my friends
I used to snicker behind their backs
Its time they point fingers and judge
For giving you chance after chance.

Only now I have come to know
How you have always despised me
It is now that i truly hate you
Only now i wish i knew how.

As my heart lay bleeding
And as I see you walk on by
I hope to see you yearn like I have
And my only hope is to see you burn .

People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch

This is a huge step for me, something i have always wanted to do. review the movie As good as it gets. Well not so much as review but keep talking about a movie which is one of my absolute favourite. Incase you havent watched it, may i suggest PLEASE DO. And dont read this unless you have , because there are many spoilers in this review, my sincerest apologies.
For the uninitiated, As Good As It Gets is a simple story about a man who is anything but. Melvin Udall is a successful writer based in Manhattan,guessing around 45-50 yrs of age,writing about romance,passion and feelings. However in his own reality, he is a man so dettached and devoid of social niceties that it would not be off the mark to label him cruel.His opening sequence has him throwing his neighbour’s dog down the garbage chute.To add to an already busy
busy character map, Melvin also suffers from obsessive complusive disorder, instances of which have been convincingly portrayed on screen by a brilliant Jack Nicholson(Jack Nc).Melvin locks his door by turning each knob left and right exactly five times, washing his hands in piping hot water each time with a whole bar of brand new soap,he refuses to walk on patterned floors, carries his own disposable plasticware,insists on sitting on a particular table,and also wants
only Carol, the waitress, played by Helen Hunt to serve him. More about Helen Hnt a little later. Lets carry on with Melvin. Melvin is unbelievably rude, strongly aversed to phsyical contact, and emotional. The movie begins by focussing on the bluntness, tactlessness and pure bad behavior of Melvin. He misbehaves with his neighbour, with normal passers by, or simply a couple whose only crime was to occupy his favourite seat at the eatery he frequents. In order to get them to relinquish his seat he incessantly insults them(a little snippet of which is the title of this blog), a classic example of which follows – How much more you got to eat?Is your appetite as big as your noses? Or when a female fan asks him how he writes women so well, he replies -I think
of a man, and take away reason and accountability.
Through out the movie you will be so glued to Jack Nc you would actually stop feeling guilty about loving a guy who is like someone you would hit if you met him on the street.However as the story progresses we see Melvin go through some incredible transformations due to some change in his meticulous routine, which he strongly opposes to but ultimately gives in. To the credit of the scriptwriter none of these transformations would appear earthshattering cause not
once do they away from the actual person that Melvin is. They certainly do not make him any more polite or charming. lets talk a little about this changes,shall we. When his gay neighbour lands up in the hospital. Melvin is forcefully entrusted with taking care of the dog that he hated.And he does a pretty good job at it too, becoming really close with Verdell(the dog) and actually misses him when the neighbour turns up to claim him. Infact even the dog
becomes a fan of our unlikely hero. It is actually quite delightful to watch our hero play with and pat the dog, the same dog that he once threw down the garbage chute. Then ofcourse comes the part where he actually tries to sympathize with his beaten up and broke gay neighbour, each consolidation brings with it a stinging slap, say for example - dnt worry you will be back on your knees in no time. The neighbour is Simon, played by Greg Kinnear, a gay artist who
got his house recently robbed and became completely broke due to medical bills he had to pay to recover from the theft related injuries. We find Melvin agreeing to take Simon on a trip to Baltimore so that he could ask his parents for some money.But ofcourse he convinces Carol the waitress to accompany them. Another evidence of Melvin's tactlessness is when he introduces the two- Carol the waitress, meet Simon the fag! Now that we are on the topic of Carol lets
focus on the love story at hand. A love story unlike any other, so subtle so sublime you would feel it, not see it in eecky kisses and cheesy holding hands while reciting poetry. I guess its a good love story. Of course Melvin being the person that he is, even manages to keep insulting his "girlfriend", making things quite difficult for Carol. Of course at the outset, to Melvin she is just a waitress, whom he prefers over all the others. Then he learns about her sick son, and how things are difficult for her as she has to keep going back to the emergency room each month where the doctors are not co operative nor attentive to their issues. One day Melvin turns up at his eatery to find Carol absent, taking care of her son at home. So he turns up at her home, declaring
he is hungry. Carol, being no pushover nor a delilcate flower kicks him out of her home. Then we see that Melvin arranges for the best medical care for her son, bills charged to himself, just so that Carol can continue at her job and he can keep eating there. melvin? the detached grumpy old man actually caring? Well he does so for his own benefits but it is a hand readching out to another human being, a huge step for him and ofcourse for the benefactor in question.
There is not any inkling of any attraction between the two, relationship restricted only to restaurant visits, Carol serving him and he in turn being the customer. but the act of kindness brings their relationship to a different level, a level where uncertainty exists, a level where words like indebted and obligated and gratefulness comes to play. A level so cold that you would not find any love there, but our heroes do. The trip to Baltimore brings them closer, where they spend a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant, where of course Carol stomps off cause Melvin.. well cause Melvin spoke. But it is in the duration of this trip that we find Melvin acknowledging the fact that he likes Carol.And in his own inimitable ways, tries to endear him to her.An excellent Jack Nc brings out each and every nuances of a complicated character with finesse, playing the rude and ugly with sincerity, so much so that he does come off as hugely appealing and charming.Major wise cracks in the story are all his dialogues, delivering them with aplomp and inimitable comic timing. Jack Nc's screen presence is awesome, his body language just perfect . It would be impossible to imagine anyone else even attempting to play this character. A well deserved oscar followed, but ofcourse.




However as i said Helen Hunt is no pushover. She does justice to her character, playing it with great spontaneity that breathes life and soul to an otherwise boring, plain off the street character. A single mother working as a waitress, trying hard to make ends meet, taking care of her sick son and at the same time attempting to have some semblance of romance in her life.Helen has her own share of screen time , time she owns, attention she commands even though on the same screen we have a powerful jack Nc,at his very best.Helen Hnt appears sexy in the movie, she appears genuine and she appears like the perfect mismatch and yet the prefect one for someone like Melvin.Scenes where she attempts to display her gratefulness to melvin for his incredible kindness, or when she turns up late at night at Melvin's door to scream at him- I will never sleep with you, never ever, or when she plays around with the waiter who follows her around whereever she goes, where she looks at jack and almost spits out- "you look sexy.." but ammends it with a "you look great" are engrossing. The way she simply hands it to Melvin- "come in and dont ruin everything by being you" or when she said- "when you first came in i thought you were handsome but then ofcourse you spoke" make for some great movie moments.To Helen's credit even though her characterisation and her screen times are restricted, in order to give room to jack, she is explosive on screen, energetic, alive and endearing. A hollywood heroine unlike any other. Even when she does her share of nude
scenes in the movie she does it with class, with grace,truly like art, like somethign you would want to immortalize in ink and paper.
Now comes the question why I like as good as it gets so much? Why have i watched it multiple times, and each time with as much hunger and interest like its a fresh watch? Many reasons. Number one would be Jack Nicholson.Incredible performance, an artist like no other. second reason would be the wise cracks in the movie, the little moments of great humor, not moments which are farcical but are genuinely funny.Third reason would be Helen hunt and her memorable screen presence.The script in itself is amazing. As good as it gets is simple yet engrossing, subtle yet throbbing with life, real yet magical, it is like a good book, it is like a lazy saturday afternoon, inviting, warm and comforting.
What if this is as good as it gets?

ONLY GOD WILL JUDGE ME

Sometimes I feel like I could fight
Stupid me, I know I would never win,
Other times here is no hope in sight
And maybe, I’ll always be in the state I’m in.

Sometimes I awake and clear is the day
Cheerful, I feel none can call me guilty,
Other times I see illusions, all is gray
Fearful, yet relieved I did not test my ability.

Sometimes I want to scream what’s true
Smart? Coward? I think I’m only afraid of me,
Other times I am weary, I sit and rue
Not wanting, yet hoping someone will see.

Sometimes I am so easily in denial
Try not to cry, shut my eyes made myself blind,
Other times I ask who will judge my trial
Can’t succeed, can’t ignore, can’t fool the teary mind.

Sometimes I rejoice in my charade
Believing it am I lost forever or am I confused,
Other times, I hide in my own sorry shade
Trapped in my own self, in my own hands abused.

Sometimes I for love, look around
Unabashed, unfettered I whore away my desire,
Other times I am locked in, make nor hear no sound
Awakened, I realize inside me burns no fire.

Sometimes I look for one who can make it right
With whom, I can be I till curtains are brought down,
Other times I shy away from love’s probing light
Blinded, raped of all my secrets, I feel like a clown.

Sometimes I am cheered by my ambition
Optimistic, enlightened I feel like the chosen few,
Other times I doubt if I can ever transition
This is how, that is why I don’t feel nor look so new.

Sometimes I am tempted by the blade
Never mind even to end it all I am too useless,
Other times I, to desire, farewell bade
Celebrations! Jubilations! May be one day…God bless!

Sometimes I find my wound start to peel
Look around, breathe in, life’s a tough yet big field
That same day I am glad, I start to heal
I stand Accused, however to the cruel rules I will not yield.

 ONLY GOD WILL JUDGE ME

Splitsvilla??Boredvilla

OK. Its that time of the year again.MTV is ready with a new reality show,rather a new season of an old show.Its called  Splitsvilla, the tag line reads- where love is war!

Wow!Now if that doesnt make u want to stay home on a saturday evening i dont know what will. (ok, ok i had nothing better to  do!) Also the very interesting promos of girls in bikinis beating each other black and blue was attention grabbing.And yeah,  the concept is also kind of fun, especially to our sorry selves bored by singing and dancing reality shows.Hats off to MTV  
for originality, something they have always exceled at.Its not like this is the first time i'm catching the show. Last year too ,i followed the show and my friends and we did talk  
about it a couple of times. But truth be told, I always thought the entire show was kinda cheesy.Especially last year, some  15 girls would have to, just have to like the 2 guys out there.I mean - why??I dont think any of the girls really did like either of the guys , except maybe Shraddha, whose devotion for Vishal was almost embarrassing to watch. Also pretty sure none  
of them came to find love, neither did the guys. No matter how much the boys claim otherwise, they were just there enjoying  absolute freedom to gawk at girls in their skimpiest best,judge them while they parade,pose in bikinis and dance erotically,  
all the while pretending that are looking for that oh-so-pure-and-oh-i-am-so-thirsty-for-it L.O.V.E.Seriously guys, who are u  kidding?I mean outside of the show none of the girls would have even looked at you.Ok maybe Vishal,not so much at the other,  
whats-his-name guy.But still you know, through all of that pretentions,hypocrisy and lame tests judging "qualities that every  guy looks for in a girlfriend" the show was really interesting.MTV had it going on last season. The show was really well cast, the girls were quite hot, they all had interesting personalities and yes there were moments in the show that were  
reality show treasure trove.First of all the show at that time was one of a kind,albeit a safer, more morally sensitive and  indianized version of Temptation Island.It was airing at a time when even MTV had nothing better to offer, it had to fill up  the time slot of Roadies.Also it would have given Rannvijay an oppurtunity to host something other than Roadies,it would have  
given some fame hungry ladies quality air time. and yes it would have made some very lonely men very very happy.The show  started of great, Goa was a perfect setting to find and fall in love,a place as desirable as any other privileges love has to  offer. The girls were introduced one by one, you started counting and trying to recall the names of the girls you found hot.Then the guys were introduced, then the girls were introduced to the guys, blah blah blah…. The show was yet to catch on. We find the interesting concept of a pretty young thing being dumped every night by the guys, also the lame but yet funny games by which the girls can endear themselves to the guys and the prospect of some ppl actually making a connection in this whole chaotic make believe world very ..well..interesting. I mean that made for some good tv. Then the entrance of the boob intensive Priyanka and the entire imbroglio that followed regarding her fake/real assets everything made for a show that you would actually watch. Yes there were some really cheesy moments, I especially found the dates to be incredibly dumb and the whole last episode of vishal and the other, whats-his-name guy doing a strip tease (eye cringing material I tell you), also the guys cudnt answer even the simplest of questions. Vishal u sure u used to fly a plane , I mean u sure it wasn’t just a toy you played with in the bathtub?? My point is that through it all the show was interesting, it definitely got a huge nod from the sponsors going by the lengthy ad breaks, and I know for a fact that it clicked with the targeted audience- the youth.

So MTV decided to air 2nd season of splitsvilla. This time it was made a bit more risque (--eee add some more ee's for that zazzy fake french pronunciation), there will be a group of guys going after a group of girls, so a sexually,balanced diet! I still sigh at the time change of Roadies but I was looking forward to splitsvilla2. But as the title of this blog wud suggest I was disappointed. The show was boringggggggg a big snooze fest. Cmon MTV! What happened? Some of the great creative minds taking longer lunch breaks that they are supposed to, is that what it is? The girls are not hot at all, I don’t know who did the casting, some gay guy could have picked better looking girls, none of them have great personalities. The guys look like they all spent their entire lives in the gym, working out to get chests that look like boobs, and waxing saloons. I’m sorry but each one of the guy is the quintessential dumb stud , you know the “himbo” that Seinfeld was referring to. (Himbo- a man bimbo!) The voting zone also sucked, the tropical feel was not just there , it looked like any other normal beach . You know something guys, fire on top of big sticks don’t always look good. The entire show was a big blabbering boring mess. Also I hate saying this but I dnt think nikhil is the right vj for this show. I kinda missed rannvijay’s straight talk and clear hindi. I don’t know how the show is going to turn out to be in the next couple of weeks but if morning shows the day, guys dnt wake up, it’s a lazy boring morning. 

Bring back Roadies at its normal time. I have things to do on Sundays. (Dat was my silent protest)!

Welcome Me!!!

Well this just plain cheesy and kinda crazy, but here goes...

A big heyyaaaaaaaa to me and my first ever blogging attempt.

psst.. just trying out some font settings...bear with me