That man is a social beast is no secret; even Adam amidst
all the nectar in the Garden of Eden still craved for a honey pot. Now there is
much to learn from the Adam and Eve story and I am not counting the rocking
fashion sense. I will leave apart the well known ones like Original Sin and
‘un’-digress back to my original plot line concerning
too-much-nectar-yet-want-a-honey-pot scenario. The fact that god created a solo
Adam is testament to the fact that he did not consider it necessary to provide
companionship. God is not the kind of manufacturer to make mistakes, so we can
take it for granted that a lot of thought must have gone behind this decision.
According to him a beautiful garden with food in abundance and birds and
animals abound was plentiful. To him, that was satisfaction. As to why he took
this decision? Now my children, didn’t I tell you God works in mysterious ways.
Having said that, I have a theory- he must have thought one rotten apple is
better than multiple. Back to the point, God only conceded to creating an Eve
when a naked Adam starting throwing a vinegar puss, howling and crying. Who
could blame God for giving into the demands of a grown naked man crying. However, I believe God had left a serious
loophole. The manufacturing defect was not the decision of 1 vs 2, the
manufacturing defect was not the creation of Eve, the huge defect was the
creation of the urge inside us for another human being. And that urge my
friend, is the cause of all our concerns and all our problems.
Most of you might argue that if there was no Eve how the
human race could be sustained. To which I answer, who is to say that Adam was
the final rolled out product. Maybe Adam was just a prototype out on a test drive.
Maybe, just maybe, if Adam had shut up God would have been able to roll out a
better version of human beings. Someone who is built to outsmart the weather,
someone who is built to survive through hunger, someone who feels no pain and
someone who is smart to a fault. In short, if Adam hadn’t thrown a sissy fit we
would all be Rocky. Or maybe, just may be God would have made other
reproductive innovations. So the first learning from the Adam-Eve story is
that, God didn’t think it was necessary to create a man and his companion. Adam’s
partner was an afterthought.
Now the second learning from this story would be a little
controversial and I would request the female members of my flock to hold on to
their angry panties and let me establish my point. To start off, all the
problems started right after Eve. The luscious apple, the devilish snake (P.S
Satan was the worlds very first Mystique) and Eve’s downright gluttony. Now,
now I told you to hold on to your angry panties, I haven’t established my point
yet. Just to make things clear, I do not blame Eve for anything that happened.
I do not think that it was her fault and I do not think that God made a mistake
in making the female species. I am just saying that we are designed to be
screwed over by our quest for companionship and all the tortures it brings
forth once you have it. Adam was screwed because he cried for a partner, hell
he gave a piece of his rib in search for a ‘facebook’ buddy. And once he had
her, he (and every other forthcoming generation) got screwed when they lost the
Garden of Eden.
Reiterating my point, we are doomed to a lifetime of misery
because of our social yearnings. The bits and bytes for the desire for a
listening ear, a nodding head, a comforting shoulder or a homely heart was
implanted long long time back, and after 28 years I can safely say - the day this chip was being made, God was
having an off day. Or may be one of his angels felt particularly rebellious and
skipped performing a stellar job. As a result, we all howl like Adam did, the
only difference is that god isn’t there to save our souls.
When I say, social yearnings or use words like desire, and
homely hearts in the same sentence please do not interpret that I am talking
about searching for love –romantic or otherwise. For people who like labels, I
am NOT talking about having spouses, having girlfriends or boyfriends. I am
talking about all kinds of relationships; I am talking about families, about
friends, about colleagues about lovers and just about anybody with whom you have
spent more than an hour. We crave for all of this, we crave single minded for
one of these at various points in our life. In our search for the comforts these people
provide, some of us succeed and some of us fail. But neither group is
particularly happy. Think about it. It’s around midnight and you are still
tossing and turning in your bed. What is the one thought that is keeping you
awake? Whatever it is, no matter how kinky it is I am sure it is centred around
a human being. Is it the fight you had with your mother? Is it the lashing you
got from your boss? Is it the fear of never finding love? Is it jealousy at
other peoples’ happiness? I grant you this, whether you agree or not is
irrelevant, it is another human being who is keeping you away from a good night’s
sleep.
I think God made Eve not because Adam was lonely and hissy.
I think in Eve, God made a mirror. God made Eve so she could shame Adam into ‘shutting
the fuck up’. I mean fruits and the birds and the bees are awesome, but they
cant make fun of you and shame you into doing (or not doing) something. Hell No!!
So God made Eve. God made another person as a way of grading our progress. And
let me tell you, since Adam’s time we have being failing miserably at the test.
So what would I have done if I was Adam? Well probably put on some pants first.
And then cry for someone to annoy and please. Heck, even in all that nectar I
would still yearn for a honey pot.
